. acting class, practicing the jungle book, in which i am baloo, the bear.

. singing at the commons which was completely relaxing in comparison to the pace that my life's been going lately.

. the iscc. i hung out with jaime and helped her work. we talked about boys and vodka over pouring hot chocolate and making nachos. cute, right? >pretty smile<

. gina's family xmas party. my parents got drunk and i didnt. is that fair? i think not.

a realization;

all of the paranoia and negativity that i experience every day (ie "omg you hate me dont you?...i'm so fat..."ect) is completly unhealthy--even moreso than cutting or smoking weed. i'm so tired of feeling down about myself and about how everyone thinks of me. the things that matter in life (i know, it sucks) are school and family. i should be more worried about those two things than having a boyfriend or whether or not some apathetic kid who will be gone in a year is my friend. i agonize over things that absolutely will have no affect on me in 10 years. i need to be distressed about myself and my happiness, and not about what others see in me. the trouble in this; i don't know how to worry about just me. and i don't know how to make me happy.

12.14.2003 at 9:02 pm

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